Goddamn You, Mikami
by ReiMori
Summary: What happens to Light after he dies? His past comes back to haunt him, as well as a certain blonde. Rated for crack, cursing, OOC-ness, and cannibalism. Well, just read and you'll understand why.


**dreamgirl: Okay, so I was in class talking to my friend Michael. I was just telling him about my story "God's Will" and how the current chapter is full of crack. Soooooooo, we started chatting about Death Note and what would happen when Light reached Mu because apparently, all users of the Death Note go to Mu. Or so we believe. Hence, this fic.**

**warnings: CRACK!!!! Yes, it deserves a warning. OOC-ness Spoilers for episode 25 and up. Major foul language and cannibalism. **

**ENJOY!!!!**

**

* * *

Goddamn You, Mikami**

I didn't think it would be this quick. You know, Mu not being close to Earth and all. All I remember was getting shot by that idiot Matsuda, running into that warehouse and dying on the stairs. I think I died of a heart attack (damn you, Ryuk!).

Next thing I knew, I woke up in an empty room with pale white walls. Then, I was staring straight into obsidian orbs.

And I screamed.

It wasn't a girlish scream; it was a manly scream. Manly, I say!!!

I couldn't believe my eyes, this "thing" in front of me is L.

L was hopping up and down saying, "I knew, I knew it, I knew it, I knew it" and on.

I straightened up, "No shit, Sherlock".

L suddenly gave me the death glare and inched closer.

I backed away until my back hit against the wall, "B-but you're s-supposed to be DEAD!"

"I am dead…and so are you", the sugar freak said.

Then all of a sudden…

"CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

My eyes widened, "Oh sh—"

I ran as fast s I could and as far as the medium-sized room let me. What the fuck was Mello doing here? Okay, fine. I know why he's here. But why is he running after me?

"CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!"

As if my bad luck could extend itself even more, I was corned into a dead end.

"Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit", I kept repeating.

It wasn't long before Mello eventually caught up and stood 3 feet away from me.

"Now, Mello, I know you're probably pissed about the whole Takada thing. But, is this any way for a young, good-looking guy, such as yourself, to be acting?"

Mello's pupils were tiny and there were bags around his eyes, "Chocolate. Chocolate. Chocolate".

Was 'chocolate' the only thing this guy could say?

Then L appeared behind Mello, "He doesn't understand you. All he can say is 'chocolate'. Mostly because he's on withdrawal, he hasn't had chocolate since he died".

"What does that have to do with me?"

L gave me an evil smirk, "Well, as you well know, Light 'I'm a gay' Yagami—"

"Like I haven't heard that one before"

"—your hair is brown. Chocolate is brown. Mello LOVES chocolate. You're a smart boy, you can piece it together".

It took me a few seconds. Hair? Chocolate? Mello? Mello loves chocolate. My hair looks like chocolate.

"Holy motherfu—"

I was cut off by Mello's dose of "chocolate" yelling.

I look at the detective, "So, he's going to fucking EAT me?"

L shrugged, Depends. If you're nice to me then I might be able to hold him back".

I give the detective a puzzled look.

So he continues, "Apologize".

"No".

L pointed towards the man next to him, so I glance at him as well. He looked hungry. REALLY hungry.

L deepened his voice, "Get on your knees and beg for mercy, Kira".

"I'm not—"

"You already admitted it. I realized it was I died anyway. So…just do it. Unless you want to become Mello's next meal".

It was a tight situation, it really was. I mean, it was always my objective to preserve my own life. True, I WAS already dead but if Mello was still hungry and I could still be out of breath from running, that means I could still bleed. I could still DIE.

So, I kneeled down and I see L grin. Then as quick as possible I push L and he topples over Mello and they crash onto the floor. I high-tailed it out of there as fast as I could.

As I ran through the hallway (which was also white, might I add) I passed by doors. Maybe I could hide in one of these rooms. So, I open the first door. It was too empty. So, I try opening the others and they're still empty. I was about to give up when the next door I opened caught me by surprise.

"Hello son".

"Dad?"

I looked around and realized that there were other people. Holy crap, these are all the people I ever killed! Well, at least they don't know I'm Kira.

"KIRA!!!"

I froze, "How did you know?"

Takada points above my head, "There's a sign that says 'KIRA' ".

I glance upwards and see the sign.

Shit.

I tried to close the door but everyone got in the way and began to pout out of the room. I leave, start running and realize they're following me. Crap, it's a mob!

I open the next door I see and hope to hide in there…

"Misa?"

"LIGHT!!! I missed you s—"

I slammed the door, "Wrong door, wrong door, wrong door, wrong door!"

I start running again. I glance over my shoulder and see a mob of all my "Kira victims" being led by Misa, Mello and L.

The hallway never seemed to end but it eventually did as I came across a huge door at the end. The mob was far back so I thought I could take this chance to hide.

I open the door and am surprised at the fact that it's pitch black inside. I squint and notice a figure curled up in the middle with a dim light shining on it. I walk over to it and poke it. The ball has white hair.

"N-Near?"

The figure sits up, "I swear to God it wasn't me!"

I look at him quizzically, "Wait, what are you doing here?"

Near presses his two index fingers together and looks down, "Well, you know, was just experimenting…"

"You used the Death Note?"

"It was all Gevenni's fault! He was gonna sell me out! I-I just HAD to save my own ass".

I shake my head. I can't believe I lost to this stupid little brat.

Then, there came a knock on the door. I panicked and hid within the dark room. Crap, they found me! My heart races as the door slowly opens.

"God?"

My eyes widen, "You son of a bitch!"

I yell at my subordinate and practically tackle him. I swear I would've killed him if I hadn't heard the incoming footsteps. I quickly get up and run too the corner.

The mob enters through the door yelling a combination of "KIRA!!", "LIGHT!!" and "CHOCOLATE!!"

I was glad the room was—

The lights suddenly went on. With the room illuminated, I realized the walls were white and there was nowhere to hide.

My eyes travel over to Mikami. His back was pressed against a switch and his face was cast in sudden horror.

"Mikami!"

"I'm sorry, God! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry".

Misa heads towards me. The mob closes in on me as well.

This was all Mikami's fault. If he hadn't screwed up I wouldn't even be dead! Now, Mikami just gave away a perfect hiding place.

I backed up against the wall as I saw Mello inch closer. I close my eyes hoping this is all some fucked up dream. Then I feel a set of teeth lodge themselves into my leg. I howl in pain.

I open my eyes to see the mob throwing rocks at me. Where the hell did they get rocks, anyway?

I feel my arm being pulled by a certain blonde calling my name.

I crumbled to the floor.

"Goddamn you, Mikami!!!!!!"

* * *

_"Sanity is overrated"_

_-Albert Einstein_

* * *

**dreamgirl: Before anyone beats me up about it, some things may not be accurate (like Misa didn't die until 1 year after Light, Near didn't actually use the DN and some other shit). You know the drill, review...PLEASE!!!! Even if you hated it. ^_^**

**P.S. Michael was on Jolly Rancher withdrawal, hence the cannibalism. Lawl hahaha jk (no, seriously, he was)**


End file.
